A Real Life Moment That Reminded Me Of What Actually Works

Recently, life has been giving me the opportunity to practice having accountability conversations in spades (insert self-conscious laughter and uncomfortable shifting in my seat ; )

I’m genuinely excited to connect with you today, heart to heart, as a person committed to transforming yourself as a leader—so you can have conversations that make a difference with the people you lead, at work and in life.

So, let me tell you about my most recent accountability conversation. 

I woke up yesterday morning to our teenager’s phone tossed haphazardly just inside our bedroom door (i.e., read between the line, NOT in the home-base spot where he leaves it before going to bed).

Tell-tale signs (at least in my mind) that he had sneakily slipped into our room during the wee hours of the morning to get on his phone.

Anger instantly rose inside me, followed immediately by a sense of dread about confronting my son, who had clearly broken his phone agreement. My first impulse was to confront and ambush him immediately as he awoke and stumbled, bleary-eyed, to the bathroom. I was at the ready, to blame and accuse.

However, miraculously, I held my tongue.

My thoughts frantically raced: “What is it that I teach my leaders to do when it comes to having accountability conversations?” Oh yeah, I remembered:

1. Pause.

2. Get curious.

3. Ask first.

   
   

During our drive to school, I said, “Hey, I saw your phone was out of its usual home-base spot in our room this morning. I’m curious, what happened?”

He replied, “I got frustrated because my headset kept disconnecting from my music, and I went in there, found my phone, and brought it to my room to reconnect it.

I kept it in my room for about 20 minutes, and then I realized I shouldn’t have it in there and needed to put it back.”

I paused to let the proud mom moment sink in.

I felt the tension immediately release, and my emotions shifted from anger to surprise, relief, and gratitude, for him having a second thought and doing the right thing.

Lesson learned for me.

Especially when your emotions are flying high, before resorting to blame and accusation, get curious first. Instead of accusing, pause and ask,“What happened?” to gain a deeper understanding of what actually occurred and how the situation happened for the other person.

This is an essential, simple (emphasis on simple, not easy) principle to keep in mind.

It starts with transforming ourselves as leaders first, by becoming curious.This is how we create a brand-new future that wouldn’t have happened otherwise with the people we lead. And it creates safety by building our relationships up, instead of tearing them down.

Try this out for yourself in your next hard conversation, and see if it doesn’t create a brand-new result, one that wouldn’t have happened if you weren’t transforming how you show up as a leader.

Here's to YOU being a leader who is committed to creating conversations that make a difference with the people you lead, at work and in life!

Steady on! Leslie

P.S. Get clarity on what’s working (and not) in how you’re leading your team and help shape a new leadership training experience. Reserve now, spots are limited.

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About Leslie

Leslie Cunningham helps small business owners and leaders create teams that care by transforming the leader first. With more than 30 years of experience, she specializes in personal leadership development that builds confident communication, strengthens accountability, elevates ownership, and creates cultures where people are genuinely motivated to perform. Leslie is an award-winning leadership expert, internationally published author, national columnist, and radio personality.