I promised that I would check in along the way this month and let you know how my leadership practice, i.e., experiment, was going - and how well I listen to the people I lead at work and in life.
To be honest, it didn’t go so hot (insert “wink” and “humility” emogi here, lol). While I did see myself as being a powerful listener in my professional life with clients, I realized that I did not offer the same quality of listening to my husband, son, or others with whom I have a long-standing history with.
Recently my mom was describing a situation she and my father were involved in. I witnessed my brain instantly springing into action, ready to offer my unsolicited, albeit, highly enlightened (or so I thought) advice. At the completion of our conversation, it became clear that my mom wasn’t left with the experience of having been heard OR understood.
Many of the leaders I coach are fairly good at listening to a handful of people. But it’s an entirely different scenario when it comes to the team member with whom they have a past and with whom they feel justified in holding on to long-standing resentments. They’re unable to listen to these team members with the intention to really hear what they have to say. Consequently, not only do they flounder in listening and communicating effectively, but they fall short in producing impactful results and outcomes.
I believe that how we listen to anyone, is how we listen to everyone. We can’t rest on our laurels and claim to be a great listener if we can’t offer the same kind of listening to each person, equally.
PRACTICE FOR TODAY
1. Notice the quality of your listening with each person you engage with today.
2. Pay some attention to when (and how often) you justify that a particular person doesn’t “deserve” your full attention and listening.
3. Practice putting your beliefs, judgements and history aside about that person and/or their particular situation aside, just for today. Listen with the intention of them being left with the experience of having been truly heard and understood. This is not a matter of agreement, or whether or not they are “doing the right thing.” Rather it’s about really hearing them, and getting them, … versus just listening passively.
SIMPLE ACTION STEP
Print off the image at the top of this article and place it on your desk to serve as a reminder to really HEAR others instead of just LISTENING to them. Then notice the results, and if you can leave other people with feeling truly heard, understood and empowered. Amazing results can and will happen when we do this!
"We are given two ears but only one mouth, because listening is twice as hard as talking" - Larry Alan Nadig
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